Can Also Be Used To Smuggle Meth In Your Ass

So who ever made this shit is sick and twisted. Who makes something that looks exactly like a tampon (I saw one once), has cocaine inside of it, will kill your dog, and markets it for kids 4 years old and up? Some 42 year old hairy overweight dude that lives in his mom’s basement in Slovakia, I’m sure of it.

Lucky for you guys I was cruisin the isles of Cost Plus World Market looking for lost kids to talk to when I found Dr. Wacko’s Magic Snow. That’s when I said to myself “Who doesn’t need fake snow”? Then I thought “Polar Bears, Penguins, Eskimos, The Climate, and pretty much 99% of everything ever probably does not need fake snow”. So I bought some. This is not your ordinary fake snow though. This is do-it-your-fucking-self-fake-snow which only needs warm water and a good attitude to make. Unless you live in Kuwait where you have neither (no fake snow for you! It says this specifically on the box).

This shit takes about 1 minute to make and 10 minutes to clean up but it is all worth it. How many parties do you go to that have fake snow? That’s right, none. Now your party is going is gonna be sick and everyone will want to add you as a friend on facebook  and have sex with you (this      excludes ugly people and non-Californians).

Its White Gold Motherfucker!

So pop some of Dr. Wackos in a big bowl by unloading the tampon of crack into it, some hot water, and blamo; you’ve got luke warm semen that is supposed to look like snow. Either people will think your the raddest person ever, or they will add you to the Megans Law website.

All jokes aside, for $3 bucks this is not too bad of a buy. If you have kids under 5 you can probably trick them into thinking your a wizard or a really gay super hero of which only has the power to create snow from tampons. You can also teach them about science considering Dr. Wacko is a real doctor and has been making this stuff for years now. It says on the package that he makes this in China which is too bad because I have a magic finger I would like for him to take a look at. I think it’s infected.

I think the real mystery is what’s in this stuff. My guess is that it is either unused pogs from the 90′s or the tears of baby dolphins.
What is cool about the Magic Snow is that it can be used for other things besides holiday fun. Here is an idea, take some of this shit and put it in all of the cups in your dishwasher. That way when your mom runs the dishwasher and goes to put them away (Which is the only thing she should be allowed to do), she will open that sucker up and think an alien jizzed all

Fake Snow Can Make Any Tree Look Better. Except for Mine Which Looks Like it Lost a Bet With God.

over her Best Mom Ever mug. If she blames it on you tell her that your a Mormon and don’t believe in masturbation.

I’m going to have to give Dr. Wacko’s Magic Snow 8 out of 10 Boners because it felt more like a do-it-yourself meth maker and that made me feel important like Fergie.

Good luck finding this shit if you don’t have a Cost Plus World Market in your hood. I’m sure you can get it off the interweb but beware of imitators. Don’t buy anything from someone whom has less than a Doctorate. Dr. Wacko didn’t spend countless hours creating fake snow at a prestigious Chinese community college for nothing. The best way to find this stuff is by asking people on street corners in shady neighborhoods. Just ask for snow and if you have asked the correct sales clerk he should be able to locate that item for you. I heard it is expensive in certain locations though so shop around and ask about quantity discounts.

The Container Has Many Uses

I don’t know if a little kid could even hold this thing let alone aim it which is good for me. While they are trying to reload it I can just slam em with pre-packed ice hardened balls of death(which is subsequently what my girlfriend calls my balls). Its plastic but its durable and your balls better be nice and hard for this to work with any type of accuracy. At one point, when I really needed the balls to come they wouldn’t. They just got stuck inside the rubber…band slingshot. My balls might have been too cold and shrunk a little. Whatever the reason, it sucks ass.

All in all it was a good idea and I would have been stoked to get this for Christmas as a kid if we weren’t Jewish. (We had Christmas. My parents were just stingy). I would stick to just using your good ol arm instead of this hunk of plastic hell. Unless Showgirls was on HBO last night and your throwing arm is tired. Then buy this for yourself. I give it 2 out of 10 boners.

I found it pretty cheap here WHAM-O SnowBall Blaster if you still want to buy it for nephew you hate.

I’m kinda really stoked that someone invented these things. I was going to try to run just barefoot but didn’t want random pieces of junk going into my feet. The insides of these things are soft enough for comfort and chafe which I hate. They were pretty much like gloves and not O.J. gloves but ones that actually fit like gloves (for your feetsies). The outsides of the shoes are pretty rugged and were protecting me from the random shit on the sidewalk and the trail. I’m sure if you lived in a place like, lets say Downtown Tijuana you wouldn’t want to wear these things unless you wanted hypo needles and broken tequila bottles as part of your feet.

I give these amazing wonders 4 out of 5 boners which is pretty good. I guess the only thing that could have been better would have been if they had cooler colors. I think people might have thought I was starting to turn into a smurf from the feet up.

Here is a link the pink girls shoes which I know you’ll want:Vibram FiveFingers Sprint – Women’s (FREE SHIPPING)