Clase Azul: The Classiest Tequila You Never Wanted

Who buys a $100 bottle of Tequila that looks like a penis? I do so go fuck yourself. I have to say, Clase Azul Tequila really does scream class with its elegant hand made ceramic bottle and smooth buttery and earthy aromas but seriously: A $100 bucks? I understand that the bottles are actually hand made in a small town in Mexico and making these bottles accounts for 90% of the income for that town(real fact), but jeez. I thought people got shit made in Mexico because it was cheap and because they were tired of China manufacturing things by only using lead, asbestos, formaldehyde, and unwanted female babies as ingredients.

The Clase Azule bottle is pretty sick. The reposado is porcelain with a handmade sterling silver agave emblem on the front. And when I say handmade I mean its made of the hands of the poor farmers who get their hands caught in the machine. The bottle is so nice that its almost worth buying. Here are some reasons you should buy Clase Azul for the bottle:

1. You can buy it once and then fill it up with Cuervo Gold and still impress everyone. That is until they wake up with a headache that feels like a train crashing into the sun and have a sore butthole.

2. You could definitely leave this bottle on your desk and your boss would never know that it wasn’t just for decoration. That way when you want to drink yourself into depression you can actually do it at work instead of going home and doing it:) This also saves on gas.

3. After your done with the teq, the bottle works great for granny. She will never know and this classic tequila bottle/urn  is a great way to celebrate Grandma’s drunken homophobic outbursts during dinner. Just tell everyone in the family that you had it specially made and that the agave plant emblem on the front is actually an old family heirloom that grandma gave you just before she passed. The fam will be impressed by your awesomeness and you will be sure to get mad props from mom and dad.

That said. There are a lot of good small production tequilas out there and this is one of them, but spending so much on a bottle of something that’s going to end up mixed with Top Ramen and spewed onto the pavement is not recommended. This stuff is really good tequila and if it were not so expensive I would say buy it. I’m going to have to say that for $100 bucks you could get more bang for your buck. 30 bucks for some Don Julio, 50 bucks for a nice massage, 20 bucks for a happy ending to that massage (25 bucks for female: Gender specific inflation), and 30 bucks to me for telling you not to buy this.

Gonna have to give this 4 out of 10 boners so that means it falls into the “Shit that Sucks” category.

I got my bottle of Clase Azul at Tres Agaves in San Francisco but you can buy this big blue dick at Bevmo here and if  someone is actually able to get this shit shipped to their house let me know because I have a 16 year old cousin that’s been trying to find a way to impress his girlfriend. And when I say impress I mean get drunk and have un-protected sex with.