Everyone and their fucking gold fish has the damn pig flu right now and it sucks balls. In the last year and a half I have gotten sick a total of once (right now) and I give all the credit to my little secret cold killing recipe. I’m just getting over this years flu from hell and it just so happens that this is the first time in a year and a half that I did not do my cold killing routine. I swear to Allah that 2 other times this year I was starting to get sick and after doing the following shit I woke up the next day perfectly fine while everyone around me stayed sick as fuck. Just so you don’t have to read any more bullshit I’ll go ahead and give you the recipe. Just remember, take as much of this shit as you can and as soon as you can (except the tequila unless you like seeing your insides):
1. Luke warm green pea baby food
2. 3 shots of well gin with a milk chaser (if you don’t know what well gin is: Its any gin that comes in a plastic container. That’s how you know its the good stuff.)
….Just fucking with you. That’s not the list. I wasted your time when I said I wouldn’t. Here is the real list for realzies this time:
1. As much Airborne as you can get into yourself. (Disclaimer: You should take as much as the box recommends and not what I recommend. If you die from doing what I tell you to then your an idiot and deserve it.)
Why: I know that there was a big lawsuit with these fuckers because they claimed that they stopped colds which apparently they don’t, but this shit has all the vitamins your gonna need to fight off the Swine in your body. It pretty much gets your body ready for the epic battle of the century that will be fought in your body. Kinda like when you get ready to clinch your ass every time you bend over around your uncle Todd.
2. 1 shot of Tequila. You only need one shot Dickfart so don’t over do it.
Why: Tequila is the only Alcohol that is an upper instead of a downer and it will raise your temp a bit to help start killing that shit. A 100 year old Mexican dude told me about using it for colds and said that if I told anyone about it that he would have to kill me. Luckily that was 10 years ago and he either cant figure out how to get on the internets anymore or is a Mexican ninja doctor waiting to strangle me with a chorizo suasage the next time I take a shower. Another great thing about tequila is that it also makes you go out in public so you can happily spread the flu to all the frat guys at the bar. So if your a chick (or not), and you have the swine flu, do body shots of teq off that SIMGMA IMAGAY guy that you’ve been checking out and kill two birds with one stone. Don’t tell him about the secret swine flu cure and you will be kiling two birds with one stone plus one Douche-Bag.
3. This is the most important part: APPLE CIDER VINEGAR. This shit works. I Fucking Swear it. Mix this shit with some honey (agave nectar if you have it) and some cinnamon. Drink as much of this as possible.
Why: Don’t have a fucking clue but it works. People have been doing this for like 100,000 years or some shit and I see why. It works. I think its the only reason why all the Spartans in the movie 300 didn’t die of the plaque. Tons of studies have been done that show this stuff works ( I just can’t find any). I think it has to do with how the acid intercepts the gamma rays of deficient cells while keeping the protons of mass radiating pro biotic fucntions. Itfuckingworksdoit.
So that’s it. If you get sick try this because I swear by it. I give the Apple Cider Vinegar a 9 out of 10 boners because it is awesome but makes your breath smell like a fart in the microwave. The rest I give 7 out of 10 boners because it works but costs a lot if you have to buy it all at one time. Whatever you do: Do not buy all that bullshit medicine with all the bullshit bullshit in it. Its all marketing. Stick with the all natural old school stuff. Hey, it worked for everyone during the bubonic plague. Why not for you.
Get The Apple Cider vinegar Here: Bragg – Apple Cider Vinegar, gallon, 1 liquid
