So I’m at the Asian Market looking for cheap prostitutes when I find this crazy Japanese drink called Ramune Drink. The drink looked fucking fantastical so I made it rain yen, took my drink, and enjoyed the rest of my day with a boner. (Note: I think you can find this shit at other select markets but I think it’s cheaper at the Asian Flee Market. Plus the last time I tried to pick up a hooker at SaveMart I ended up taking a girl home with a limp and a cleft pallet. She gave terrible blow jobs)
So I think marketing techniques in Japan are a little different than here because the damn drink has the most random shit on the bottle. I’m not sure why there is a life raft, straw hat, and a pig smoking a cigarette on the bottle but its fucking awesome in my book (that’s a short book). My best guess is that the dude in charge of making the graphics for Ramune Drink either smoked a pound of potweed while shopping at Japan-Mart and these are the random ass things that ended up in his cart, or this company really doesn’t give a fuck and gave up a long time ago. If it were me making this shit, I’d put the sweetest shit ever on the bottle: Shit like sweet corvettes pealing out, a picture of me, a whiskey bottle, hot bitches with huge tits, hot bitches with medium sized tits, and probably a picture of a little boy riding a Unicorn riding a wave a glitter (to get some of the pedophile demographic that no one ever seems to go for).
So the entire top of the bottle has directions plastered all over it with giant warnings saying “Don’t Eat the Plunger” and “Throw away the plunger as soon as you’re done with it”. Do they think I’m a tard? I know that all these warnings and shit are just precautions so I gave it to my 2 year old nephew and let him play in his room with it for a bit while I went to the store to find some crackers to go with my Ramune Drink. I’m a pretty “Green” guy these days too so I cut the power to the house, pulled the phone lines, and walked the 2 miles. Just trying to do my part.
Getting back to the drink; I take off the “plunger” which is just a hard piece of plastic, and push the marble through so that it falls into the middle of the drink where it rests. So now as you take a drink, the marble cradles back and forth in the middle of the bottle. It’s pretty rad. Its not the raddest thing in the California, but its definitely more exciting than any handjob I got in high school (Sorry Jamie Hanson. I know I said it was great at the time, but after every one of your sweet HJ’s I had to run home and soak my dick in warm Vaseline just to sit down right the next day. ( I think that chick does nothing but skiing and chopping wood in her free time) ).
Back to the drink; it’s got a refreshing taste that seems to linger on the palate. Sweet aromas of cherry and oak make this a perfect spring time addition to any mixed salad or even by itself. Also, drinking Ramune Drink on a hot summer’s night should not be out of the question. The drink is also just fucking sugar and water so maybe just buy it for the acid-flashback-esq bottle and the floating anal bead in the middle and let it sit on the shelf.
Things you can use this drink for:
- Show your friends that you are multi-cultural and can speak fluent Japanese, are good at math, can make cars that are superior to all others until one day they start accelerating by themselves, can do karate, and eat food with two pieces of wood without splintering them into your bottom lip.
- Your marble collection. Until you realize that the marble is made of baby whale prostates.
- Impressing everyone
- Getting type 2 Diabetes
- Using the plunger that comes with it to fix GI Joe’s toilet after he has had a long night of drinking and eating super burritos.
Last Note: I’m not sure why a drink would have a marble with it but it seems to work in its favor. Kind of like why bums always have dogs. Whey the fuck do they have dogs if they can’t afford food for themselves? Do they eat the dogs when they get real hungry? I would like to think so but we don’t live in a perfect world. The fact is I feel sorry for the dogs and want to give them money. I said “want”. I usually just kick them on my way into Sizzler (The bums).
I give this drink a 9 out of 10 boners for being hella awesome. If you try it out and don’t like it, at the very least keep the bottle and replace the contents with a rufi-colada for the next time you have hot Asian company over.
They have a bunch of flavors including Sangria which tricks you into thinking its alcohol. Not cool. Buy this shit from the link below or die a slow death: Ramune Japanese Soft Drink Mix 6 Flavors
Anyone else try this shit?
